Chapter 2

I Don’t Need No Stinkin Hall Pass!

The year was 1988. What important shit happened in 1988? Nothing that’s more important that me forming a close bond with the rejection of authority! You might be asking yourself, “rejection of authority?” What would he know about that? Well my friend let me tell you, I know a thing or two about nap time, and I know a thing or two about not bowing before the teacher’s so called tyranny of the classroom. Yeah, I’m a dreamer. Yeah, I was short, and yeah I’m going to make an allusion to prison in this next sentence. Depending on where you go, schooling can be very much like prison, on many, many levels. So here we are comparing school and prison, let’s take another lesson from the big house. When you are small and weak, you have to figure out how to beat the shit out of someone much bigger, otherwise your ass is tuna casserole. Actually its not, but just for the sake of argument let continue on as if it were… I was pretty small, smallest kid in the class, hell in the grade. But I was smart, until a little conk on the head changed all that, but that’s later on. Anyway, so I developed an authority issue with the teacher, more specifically over the issue of nap time of all things. Hey, now I’m not completely complaining here, I enjoyed the milk and graham crackers before hand, but I’m a hyperactive person, so instead of milk and cookies or whatever making me sleepy, that just give me more energy to burn. Silly child psychologist and their stupidity in not understanding their oh so specialized branch of psychology, anyway I degress, I have some anger issues with head shrinkers too.

So it would be nap time and we would get out our little nap mats or whatever and then go lay them on the floor. I always laid mine near a window so I could look outside. There’s only one sharp problem, we were suppose to be sleeping, but who needs to sleep at this point and time in life, you can sleep plenty when you are dead ya hear! Obviously that is a characteristic of my hyperactivity really showing through. So the teacher would make her rounds and check each child to see if they were asleep, and sure enough who would be the only one not asleep? Me. So instead of taking me some other place I would get into trouble for not napping during nap time. Did I learn my lesson? Of course I didn’t, wouldn’t make for a very good story if I was all straight laced and did as I was told always. Would also end up being a pretty boring life.

Then came the time to read and learn how to count and learn numbers et cetera. Now my sister was in another class, so while I was learning all this kick ass stuff, my sister was colouring all day and making paper mache dinosaurs, drinking chocolate milk till it came out her nose… Yeah I got the shaft to start with. I remember my teacher putting on a little record and we would get in a circle and go around and say our names. At that very moment when it came my time to say my name I realized I had a pretty crappy name. I also remember reading the I am Sam books. I couldn’t read so great so when it came time to go to first grade they put me in a class to teach me how to read better. We ended up just playing games and pissfarting around on the computer. It would be years later that I would take my own education into my hands and teach myself how to do things. As it stands I have three learning disabilities. Dyslexia, Dyscalculus, and sentence construction problems, or should I say that’s what the state of Texas thinks I have from going to so many head shrinkers. The next chapter will be on something I haven’t thought of at the moment. Maybe about me facing adversity and over coming it and telling the American Educational System to take a flying fuck off a burning bridge.