XXVII

This is very much a matter of personal opinion, that goes without saying. But I have been thinking about it over and over again day after day, more so now that I have felt it in my hands. I know some will say, bullshit on the fact that I may seem bias to this, but let me remind you I have stated already that this is a matter of personal opinion. The violin is an instrument of the highest order. In the right hands, men weep, women faint and any person that knows themselves can at any point be moved by its sound. Most will agree that love can only be shown, some try and speak of it, but fail. Love can be heard nonetheless. I feel that in the right hands that a violin can take the spirit right out of you and in turn give it right back to you. I stumble over these words now and again as I think this through in my head. But I know it wont really matter. If you know what I speak about, you wont need my words, they will all but make sense regardless.

I don’t really need to say much here. Other than the fact that when a person is give a violin, not going out and buying one themselves, but given one, it is almost their duty to put it to good use. I was given one. The person that gave it to me, believes in me as no one has, or, and I am pretty adamant about this, ever will. She believes in me so much, has so much faith in me, knows me so well, that she can without a doubt put an instrument in my hands and know, with not a shadow of doubt or hesitation that I will push myself so hard, and never rest until I can play it; until I can show I have mastered something so complex, so mind-numbingly amazing that her beliefs were right.

The violin I am very sure of is nothing like photography for me, photography was natural. It is and was simple. Hence is why I still do it. But this, this violin is something so alien to me, so strange, a mystery that I must with not a drop of reservation learn. I see it as a challenge to myself and from her. I feel she said to me, “Pick it up and show me you are smart enough, talented enough, and by god after so many years, ballsy enough to think you can do it.” She wouldn’t use those exact words, she would be more to the point as she always is. Never wasting a word, or a syllable. So, with drive, and pure tenaciousness I plan on proving her right as I always do. Main project from this point on: Learn the violin, learn it well, and become a master of it. This will take years. Something she might not have, but she has fulfilled what she has set out to do I think. Free me.

When we met I was not the same man as I am today, she has changed me over the years of being with one another. And no man can ask for anything better than having the most important person in his life do that for him, change him into a better, smarter man that he was before. To give him opportunities he otherwise would not have. To instill dreams and asperations otherwise over looked. Thank you.

Thank you Jessica for everything you have ever done for me or might ever do in the future. You give me drive, you give me life. I love you.

XXVI

I have a few things I want to say in this post, so I'm not sure if it will be long, or short, or a fat tubby guy with a prematuring gray beard. So lets get started. I've had a few people ask me if I had MySpace. No. I will probably never have MySpace as I dont like it or what it looks like, I have this blog and then I have my DeviantART page for my photography, why in the world would I want to be on a site with a bunch of people that know nothing of web-design and functionality? Besides who the hell would I want to talk to, obviously want is bold for a reason, I'm a simple guy that can entertain myself and I dont need other people to do so, Im a loner kinda guy. You people honestly want to talk to me that bad, I have this place, leave a comment on a post or email me. Its not that hard of an email address to remember either, Thomas.Simpson@gmail.com... If you wonder what Im up to, fuck just read this, thats pretty much it, Im not completely and utterly insane to the point I will go have a nipple chopped off or some shit. Want to know what Im doing when not working on music or composing, click the fucking link to Da, there you go. Simple.

At the current time I am having a classical music renaissance within myself. I enjoy it, its hard to a degree and makes me think. Its as someone once put it, a "thinking man's music", and that is cool with me by all means, I'm not one to dumb myself down for the benefit of others. And while we are on the minor subject of shit I dont like, lets also add in the mix, "lol", anime/manga, wig-a-nese (you know who you little bastards are), in-crowd shit, pop music, overly-emotional gothic/cry-baby bullshit people (faux-emos), and lastly cell-phones.

Moving on. I was wandering around dA earlier and every page I clicked that had an anime avatar was indeed full of shit and made me want to pluck my fucking eyes out with rusty fish hooks. Dont get me wrong there are some pretty kick ass artist out there, but when its done on a piece of paper, that aint it, if you think it looks so good, transfer it to an unlined white paper stock, and it will be much better. And what the fuck is up with kids these days taking *nese names? If I was of far eastern decent I would be fucking pissed to fucking high heaven. Get a better name you almond-eyed pricks!

Anyway, I was messing around on the piano today and came up with a nice descending phrase and I have traced it back to two major works. Sigh, Beethoven's Moonlight, and Blue Oyster Cult's Dont Fear The Reaper. In other words I cant use it, because to me thats like lifting works from other people and that aint cool, but at least it sounds pretty. Also I might mention I quit my job, I have never in my life been as sore as I have in the last 3 days. But I might give my old job a call back since they liked me and thought I did a damned good job. Have fun people.

XXV

Well, this marks post No.25, quarter of the way for one-hundred scatter-shoots. Lets see here, Ive been continuely working on my Quartet in C, as you will remember, I mentioned in a prior post that it was at first a quintet, but I have since dropped the contrabass in favour of allowing the violoncello to take over the bass clef duties. Also I just recently looked at my "Spring Theme: Sunrise" once again and have decided to make it a string quartet with chorus accompiment. Sounds good so far, I have taken the melody part of the chorus and counterpointed it with first violin. At first I was just thinking about writing the counterpoint as I went but said, fuck it, as I normally do and laid in bed and wrote out the eight measure counterpoint by hand and then transfered it over to Finale, sounds pretty fucking good since I was merely using interval changes. I did not stick with the rules of flurid counterpoint but instead went with what I needed. Whats the point of knowing the rules if youre not going to break them?

I have to return later today at the personnel office at my job because of an orientation screw-up, not my fault, completely their's. But that being said, I still got paid for orientation when I went, and I will work later tonight. I miss the beard-net already.

I am a little further along with Tchaikovsky's "Russian Dance" Trepak. Which reminds me.[rant] If you people are going to supply score sheets for a well known globally recognisable piece of composition for the love of all things holy and the virgin Mary's baby, spell the fucking title right for fucks sake! It is not, and I repeat, NOT spelled treepak, for god's sake its t-r-e-p-a-k. Those that honestly dont have a fucking clue I shall refer you to Schirmer Pronouncing Pocket Manual of Musical Terms, page 243. I dont know how many sites I have seen when looking at that complete score and it be labled treepak, who the fuck came up with that, have some diginity for the language![/rant]

Anyway Im going to smoke my last cigarette, listen to Tchaikovsky's Russischer Tanz Trepak and go back to bed, have fun people.

XXIV

Okay I couldn't keep this underwraps any longer, I am going absolutely apeshit about this, Sunshine got me a violin for christmas. *insert white boy going absolutely nuts here* Ive wanted one since I was around the age of 8 or 9, the 3rd grade basically. And she broke down and got me one, probably as a big gift and a way to shut me the fuck up. Which only made it worse. Anyway now I have to get my head busy and learn the violin, make her proud, show everyone what the fuck is up, naMeaN!

I also went in for a piss test for a job today and I have orientation tomorrow at 8 am my time. The job will be from 3:30pm to midnight so that will give me and Jessica time to talk again, which is great. Hopefully I will stay a long time and like it.

Other than that, everything is peachy. Have fun.

XXIII

So here I am, working on a new string quintet... Ive got one section done and am working on its second section, which is 2 out of a planned 5. So Im listening to it back and I think to myself, arent I taking the cheap way out, Im doubling parts, here and there and it just aint ticking my clock like it should, so I vow never to double needless parts that can stand on their own. Instead I plan on manning up and working out 5 parts if there are five parts! Because no one likes a slacker in music, that and recently I had someone say my second String Ensemble was rather plain, because it was done with a computer, and I do agree it was rather plain compaired with my first one, not as experimental. And unfortunately the closed string ensemble near me is 150+ miles away, I hate being a composer in the fucking boonies. On with the point Im trying to make. When it comes down to it, I like hiding things in my music, so on a second or third listen when you arent entirely paying attention to the "primary" melody you get little bits and pieces that are underlaying the other parts, little accents here and there with tones. I like it I think its fun to pick them out of the completed piece.

Sunshine got her birthday present finally, 4 days late. Nevertheless it got there and she really enjoys it, which makes me happy, she has gotten out and experimented a little bit, which I enjoy seeing the results to. Shes happy and Im happy because shes happy, its a cycle people, deal with it. So heres to many many new pictures from her!

I really need to get me a shit job so I can get money coming in again, I need to start saving for Aus yet again and I want to purchase a violin and start learning that. Especially since thats what a lot of my music is based upon. Well thats about all I have at the moment, been working a lot on my music, a few orchestral works in progress with many more pieces of smaller size coming back in that time span. Have fun people.

XXII

Well I completed my Strings Ensemble No.1 in A minor. Now I am working on a new one in E Major. I also wrote out the bone basic for a solo recorder piece for my nephew for his xmas present. Sunshine is going to print it off at her work for him. If I have any say in it, the kid will be a virtuoso... At least on the recorder. He's young though so I dont know if he will be able to do the 16th runs down the scale, its in C major so there isnt anything popping out at him in the form of an accidental or anything. Should be a good learning experience for him. May have to do our other nephew a guitar one, since he plays a little guitar. And, Sunshine may very well get in the mood to write some music. She has big ideas, and if she could figure out how to transfer them to a score... that would certainly be awesome.

We got a little snow earlier today and a little into the night, nothing stuck though. Damn I surely missed driving in the snow.

Tomorrow is Sunshine's Bday, she turns the big 2-6! Yay, happy birthday my love. Other than that I have mainly been working on music, took a few pictures here and there, nothing to write home about though, if you catch my meaning. Really been paying attention to Vivaldi's violin concertos, learning how to interplay the same instrument against itself, almost in a taunting way.

We turned the heater off tonight because we have some burnt wires and I personally dont want the house to catch fire, granted it would be warm, but thats a little irritating when you have no where to sleep. So Im all wrapped up under three blankets, very toasty. Other than that, nothing really of major importance to talk about.