Searching for a God and Tool

A slight glitch in the blog earlier tonight so excuse the messiness that is the link area and the left sidebar, I will slowly get those worked out. It was completely my fault, I was trying to work out some changes to the side bars and fucked my coding all to hell. But Im trying to slowly get it back to normal. I will work out a new banner graphic etc for it, I was trying of that one.

I'm a simple kind of man, or at least I try to be, some times it does work and I am content with what I have, and at others I search for what I need. I find myself more and more contemplating what I search for, what is it I am searching for to start with? God. I was once a very devout Christian man, and planned on going to seminary to learn what I needed, not so much as to serve the church but more so to find my own understanding of God and the God nature. Then a series of unfortunate events occurred and it sent me spiraling, my faith was blown wide open and was shattered. And then a lovely, beautiful creature walked into my mist, if it was not for her and her undeniable love for me I dont think I personally would have come out of what I have come to call my regret. She has shown me that the world is still truly beautiful through her, and she gave me a gift, one that I cant shake, one that I have to use, she gave me the ability to preserve my reality, the one thing that slipped so far away from me in those times of my regret. And so now I plan to use that to try and find my God that I cast aside, do I plan on returning to the church? No. I dont need rules to tell me how I need to find what I am looking for. I tell you now that if I am searching for my god then it is far from their god, and honestly I think my god is a much simpler one. Do angels and demon exist in my word, certainly, but they arent physical beings, they are of the mental equate. And what of Satan? Satan is Hebrew for adversary and I can only think of one adversary that is more powerful that god or devil when it comes to mankind, and that is none other than man himself. I have a few theories as to what the face of god looks like and the way "Adam" was first made and the knowledge gained from that certain tree.
If you look into the bible and read slowly about the creation of man or what was to become man shit just doesnt add up at all, and dont read the words look at the words and look at the church as a person. The being who is the church would rather have devotion and ignorance, than other bodies with knowledge and their own self will. Basically saying, it sounds a little bit like a tyranny to me and Im sure I am not the only one to see it that way. Its almost ironic now that I take out my New American Bible, also known as the Official Catholic Bible, I see a sticker that I place on it when I was rather devout, not as a Catholic, but as a Baptist, it is a holographic sticker which features and eye. It says in Genesis Chapter 2, verses 16-17; The LORD God gave man this order: "You are free to eat from any of the trees of the garden except the tree of knowledge of good and bad. From that tree you shall not eat; the moment you eat from it you are surely doomed to die" from this we must look at Adam "himself" for Adam means man in Hebrew and Adama means ground. So with this in mind, when god created Adam, he didnt create a flesh and blood being, I am let to believe, but more so a soul. If we look at the passage just referenced we see it says at the end, it says eat of the tree will doom him to die. We have the settled believe that only our body dies when we "mortally" die, so basically saying, had he not ate the fruit he would not be a flesh and blood man, and therefore he would not have a body but would be an unmoded soul, which as I have read from a few Hebrew discussions on the genesis of man, the Rabbi stating that god was considered to be a very fluid being and when he created man in his image, this is what he would have looked like... A fluid creature.
I do believe it is a well found belief among Christian mythology that God saves the souls of those that repent. And so only the shell of the person is left to decay. In the third chapter of Genesis we see the serpent, referred to as "the most cunning of all the animals that the LORD God had made" and we see the female talking to it, and she states to the serpent in the end, restating Gods words, "You shall not eat it or even touch it lest you die." and with that the serpent says, "You certainly will not Die! No, God knows well that the moment you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like gods who know what is good and what is bad." Strange that the serpent should have far more knowledge than man himself? Not so much, for Genesis is heavily edited from its first version and that which was cast out of the book, no pun intended, was deemed forbidden, much like the knowledge we possessed after eating the fruit. We assume, that God is all knowing, yet we see in verse 9 The LORD God then called to the man and asked him, "Where are you?" Only when man answers does God find him. So is god infallible? No. Hes all knowing but cant even find his own creature which he created in his own bloody Eden. It is also stated in Genesis that God was rather wrathful, flooding the earth and killing everyone but a drunkard and the people he put on a boat? Sure the story of the Ark is merely a parable, but the fact remains, that the Christian God before he ever became the Christian God was vengeful and so I state this now, in all of us is God, the ability to understand, to care, compassion, but so too is the ability to carry out wrath and vengeance as the early God did so often. Basically it comes down to this, you can have free will, but only so much as it doesnt interfere with what the capture God wants. I'm probably going to get some heat from this but fuck it. I said it plainly as I can, read it for yourself its in the book. Man has both advaceries in them, God and Satan, you choose which will rule, nothing else. Are you on this earth for a purpose? I dont know, only you know your purpose, is everything predestined? Flip a fucking coin and best two out of three gets the gold. Did man die when he ate the fruit? No, he gained a body and knew better reason. The only thing that died was his ignorance, and the inability to reason for himself. For what is reason other than the choice between which is worse and going with the one that isnt. Nice choices huh? Shit happens. Thats it for this theologian spew, maybe more later. My brain isnt what it use to be.

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I just recently got the new Tool album, very nice work, I like a few ideas they present and work through, nice job.