XXVII

This is very much a matter of personal opinion, that goes without saying. But I have been thinking about it over and over again day after day, more so now that I have felt it in my hands. I know some will say, bullshit on the fact that I may seem bias to this, but let me remind you I have stated already that this is a matter of personal opinion. The violin is an instrument of the highest order. In the right hands, men weep, women faint and any person that knows themselves can at any point be moved by its sound. Most will agree that love can only be shown, some try and speak of it, but fail. Love can be heard nonetheless. I feel that in the right hands that a violin can take the spirit right out of you and in turn give it right back to you. I stumble over these words now and again as I think this through in my head. But I know it wont really matter. If you know what I speak about, you wont need my words, they will all but make sense regardless.

I don’t really need to say much here. Other than the fact that when a person is give a violin, not going out and buying one themselves, but given one, it is almost their duty to put it to good use. I was given one. The person that gave it to me, believes in me as no one has, or, and I am pretty adamant about this, ever will. She believes in me so much, has so much faith in me, knows me so well, that she can without a doubt put an instrument in my hands and know, with not a shadow of doubt or hesitation that I will push myself so hard, and never rest until I can play it; until I can show I have mastered something so complex, so mind-numbingly amazing that her beliefs were right.

The violin I am very sure of is nothing like photography for me, photography was natural. It is and was simple. Hence is why I still do it. But this, this violin is something so alien to me, so strange, a mystery that I must with not a drop of reservation learn. I see it as a challenge to myself and from her. I feel she said to me, “Pick it up and show me you are smart enough, talented enough, and by god after so many years, ballsy enough to think you can do it.” She wouldn’t use those exact words, she would be more to the point as she always is. Never wasting a word, or a syllable. So, with drive, and pure tenaciousness I plan on proving her right as I always do. Main project from this point on: Learn the violin, learn it well, and become a master of it. This will take years. Something she might not have, but she has fulfilled what she has set out to do I think. Free me.

When we met I was not the same man as I am today, she has changed me over the years of being with one another. And no man can ask for anything better than having the most important person in his life do that for him, change him into a better, smarter man that he was before. To give him opportunities he otherwise would not have. To instill dreams and asperations otherwise over looked. Thank you.

Thank you Jessica for everything you have ever done for me or might ever do in the future. You give me drive, you give me life. I love you.

XXVI

I have a few things I want to say in this post, so I'm not sure if it will be long, or short, or a fat tubby guy with a prematuring gray beard. So lets get started. I've had a few people ask me if I had MySpace. No. I will probably never have MySpace as I dont like it or what it looks like, I have this blog and then I have my DeviantART page for my photography, why in the world would I want to be on a site with a bunch of people that know nothing of web-design and functionality? Besides who the hell would I want to talk to, obviously want is bold for a reason, I'm a simple guy that can entertain myself and I dont need other people to do so, Im a loner kinda guy. You people honestly want to talk to me that bad, I have this place, leave a comment on a post or email me. Its not that hard of an email address to remember either, Thomas.Simpson@gmail.com... If you wonder what Im up to, fuck just read this, thats pretty much it, Im not completely and utterly insane to the point I will go have a nipple chopped off or some shit. Want to know what Im doing when not working on music or composing, click the fucking link to Da, there you go. Simple.

At the current time I am having a classical music renaissance within myself. I enjoy it, its hard to a degree and makes me think. Its as someone once put it, a "thinking man's music", and that is cool with me by all means, I'm not one to dumb myself down for the benefit of others. And while we are on the minor subject of shit I dont like, lets also add in the mix, "lol", anime/manga, wig-a-nese (you know who you little bastards are), in-crowd shit, pop music, overly-emotional gothic/cry-baby bullshit people (faux-emos), and lastly cell-phones.

Moving on. I was wandering around dA earlier and every page I clicked that had an anime avatar was indeed full of shit and made me want to pluck my fucking eyes out with rusty fish hooks. Dont get me wrong there are some pretty kick ass artist out there, but when its done on a piece of paper, that aint it, if you think it looks so good, transfer it to an unlined white paper stock, and it will be much better. And what the fuck is up with kids these days taking *nese names? If I was of far eastern decent I would be fucking pissed to fucking high heaven. Get a better name you almond-eyed pricks!

Anyway, I was messing around on the piano today and came up with a nice descending phrase and I have traced it back to two major works. Sigh, Beethoven's Moonlight, and Blue Oyster Cult's Dont Fear The Reaper. In other words I cant use it, because to me thats like lifting works from other people and that aint cool, but at least it sounds pretty. Also I might mention I quit my job, I have never in my life been as sore as I have in the last 3 days. But I might give my old job a call back since they liked me and thought I did a damned good job. Have fun people.

XXV

Well, this marks post No.25, quarter of the way for one-hundred scatter-shoots. Lets see here, Ive been continuely working on my Quartet in C, as you will remember, I mentioned in a prior post that it was at first a quintet, but I have since dropped the contrabass in favour of allowing the violoncello to take over the bass clef duties. Also I just recently looked at my "Spring Theme: Sunrise" once again and have decided to make it a string quartet with chorus accompiment. Sounds good so far, I have taken the melody part of the chorus and counterpointed it with first violin. At first I was just thinking about writing the counterpoint as I went but said, fuck it, as I normally do and laid in bed and wrote out the eight measure counterpoint by hand and then transfered it over to Finale, sounds pretty fucking good since I was merely using interval changes. I did not stick with the rules of flurid counterpoint but instead went with what I needed. Whats the point of knowing the rules if youre not going to break them?

I have to return later today at the personnel office at my job because of an orientation screw-up, not my fault, completely their's. But that being said, I still got paid for orientation when I went, and I will work later tonight. I miss the beard-net already.

I am a little further along with Tchaikovsky's "Russian Dance" Trepak. Which reminds me.[rant] If you people are going to supply score sheets for a well known globally recognisable piece of composition for the love of all things holy and the virgin Mary's baby, spell the fucking title right for fucks sake! It is not, and I repeat, NOT spelled treepak, for god's sake its t-r-e-p-a-k. Those that honestly dont have a fucking clue I shall refer you to Schirmer Pronouncing Pocket Manual of Musical Terms, page 243. I dont know how many sites I have seen when looking at that complete score and it be labled treepak, who the fuck came up with that, have some diginity for the language![/rant]

Anyway Im going to smoke my last cigarette, listen to Tchaikovsky's Russischer Tanz Trepak and go back to bed, have fun people.

XXIV

Okay I couldn't keep this underwraps any longer, I am going absolutely apeshit about this, Sunshine got me a violin for christmas. *insert white boy going absolutely nuts here* Ive wanted one since I was around the age of 8 or 9, the 3rd grade basically. And she broke down and got me one, probably as a big gift and a way to shut me the fuck up. Which only made it worse. Anyway now I have to get my head busy and learn the violin, make her proud, show everyone what the fuck is up, naMeaN!

I also went in for a piss test for a job today and I have orientation tomorrow at 8 am my time. The job will be from 3:30pm to midnight so that will give me and Jessica time to talk again, which is great. Hopefully I will stay a long time and like it.

Other than that, everything is peachy. Have fun.

XXIII

So here I am, working on a new string quintet... Ive got one section done and am working on its second section, which is 2 out of a planned 5. So Im listening to it back and I think to myself, arent I taking the cheap way out, Im doubling parts, here and there and it just aint ticking my clock like it should, so I vow never to double needless parts that can stand on their own. Instead I plan on manning up and working out 5 parts if there are five parts! Because no one likes a slacker in music, that and recently I had someone say my second String Ensemble was rather plain, because it was done with a computer, and I do agree it was rather plain compaired with my first one, not as experimental. And unfortunately the closed string ensemble near me is 150+ miles away, I hate being a composer in the fucking boonies. On with the point Im trying to make. When it comes down to it, I like hiding things in my music, so on a second or third listen when you arent entirely paying attention to the "primary" melody you get little bits and pieces that are underlaying the other parts, little accents here and there with tones. I like it I think its fun to pick them out of the completed piece.

Sunshine got her birthday present finally, 4 days late. Nevertheless it got there and she really enjoys it, which makes me happy, she has gotten out and experimented a little bit, which I enjoy seeing the results to. Shes happy and Im happy because shes happy, its a cycle people, deal with it. So heres to many many new pictures from her!

I really need to get me a shit job so I can get money coming in again, I need to start saving for Aus yet again and I want to purchase a violin and start learning that. Especially since thats what a lot of my music is based upon. Well thats about all I have at the moment, been working a lot on my music, a few orchestral works in progress with many more pieces of smaller size coming back in that time span. Have fun people.

XXII

Well I completed my Strings Ensemble No.1 in A minor. Now I am working on a new one in E Major. I also wrote out the bone basic for a solo recorder piece for my nephew for his xmas present. Sunshine is going to print it off at her work for him. If I have any say in it, the kid will be a virtuoso... At least on the recorder. He's young though so I dont know if he will be able to do the 16th runs down the scale, its in C major so there isnt anything popping out at him in the form of an accidental or anything. Should be a good learning experience for him. May have to do our other nephew a guitar one, since he plays a little guitar. And, Sunshine may very well get in the mood to write some music. She has big ideas, and if she could figure out how to transfer them to a score... that would certainly be awesome.

We got a little snow earlier today and a little into the night, nothing stuck though. Damn I surely missed driving in the snow.

Tomorrow is Sunshine's Bday, she turns the big 2-6! Yay, happy birthday my love. Other than that I have mainly been working on music, took a few pictures here and there, nothing to write home about though, if you catch my meaning. Really been paying attention to Vivaldi's violin concertos, learning how to interplay the same instrument against itself, almost in a taunting way.

We turned the heater off tonight because we have some burnt wires and I personally dont want the house to catch fire, granted it would be warm, but thats a little irritating when you have no where to sleep. So Im all wrapped up under three blankets, very toasty. Other than that, nothing really of major importance to talk about.

XXI

We celebrated Thanksgiving today since my sister and her husband were off on the same day and they wont be when actual Thanksgiving is. I composed and completed most of the way a String Ensemble consisting of two violins, and a cello part, my next composition is going to be a longer piece in honor of Sunshine. I think I might make it pretty complicated, though at this present time, I cant really say.

Jimmy and I completed another Halo level on Legendary. Man fun times. Stomping some ass and taking some slightly garbuled names. The good ol days. We presently have only three more levels to go and then its Halo 2's turn to get some Exen and Jimsta action.

I finished Hitchhiker so I went up to Hastings and bought a new book to read. The Great Composers by Wendy Thompson. I like it so far. It is basically a historical look at the progression of the classical music and its visionaries as we have seen them thus far to date, has all my favourites in it. Beethoven and Tchaikovsky though two it doesnt have in it are Zimmer and Williams. Though I must admit, they are mainly cinematic composers but still very much in the heirarchy of the greats to me, very moving pieces of work among them. Another I am starting to like more of is Elfman. Very zany guy, but nevertheless good usage of phrasing and melodies that are rememberable. Melodies are written to be remembered, especially short simple ones. I am reteaching myself piano again, Im so out of touch with it my hands have a hard time fitting well on the keys. I've been doing a lot of music lately, but I have also been shooting as well. So hopefully I will be able to even those out to a good median.

Here is a shot I took earlier that I liked it was a dusk shot.

I found the fence post within my frame rather nice, when Sunshine saw it she said, it seemed like it was fencing in the sunset.

Another note, no pun intended on music, I am now working mainly in Finale, excellent program, absolutely top notch as far as I am concerned. I feel very much at home in it since I was trained in music traditionally, only later when I picked up the guitar did I start learning tabulature and whatnot, so Im very much use to clear cut notes and their relations to one another.

Today is my Anniversary with Sunshine, we celebrate 3 years and 5 months, a single month short of 3 and a half years, go us. Love you Baby.

Thats all. May the band play on.

XX

I have some of the strangest notions while bathing, just recently, I was shaving and I realized that I had purchased "For sensitive Skin" single bladed razors. Between you and I, I noticed not the slightest bit of difference between them and normal single bladed razor. In fact, I still had the very conscience notion to watch my upper lip less it be sliced off.

Black should be washed with black. Or as most males can acquiesce to, just toss it in the dryer and it's magically washed and ready to wear.

I was sick for a little bit, my reign of un-sickness of close to eight years has come to an end. I shall miss it. That being said I have taken many an image of late. I'm pleased as is my significant other. I made an image earlier today, quite early, seven a.m. early infact, and what set this image apart is the fact that is was 1°C, very cold I might add for your normal human. It happen to be of Sugargum leaves. Nothing amazing other than the fact of the sun hitting a single section of them and illuminating them to as what the sun would call, "knowing its buisness".

I have set up a home studio in my room, with the help of Jimmy, though we still haven't manage to get that bloody program, in which he wants to us the most, fully working. Its a time tested fact that when ever you want something to work out for the better, it wont. Sunshine tried her best to help me with it and only infuriated me more since we weren't exactly making any headway. I sound like I am coming off in the voice of Douglas Adams, or is it because I hear Stephen Fry talking in my head. I need to read another book but indeed, it is a nice read. Almost done only 2 more books to go. Ah, and well, the rest of the one Im reading now.
I need more cigarettes but I must assume that it is cold outside as it was this morning. I might get some later on or something. Im hungry too, might have to stop at Macca's and get something, something nice and warm. Anway, I have thing to do and I must say this is long enough, and all the details I left out in this post, well... they stay left out.

:) Have fun.

XIX

Early morning sunrise. Enjoy.

XVIII

Just a portrait I shot at work today to pass the time.

XVII

THE UNITED STATES BANS Vegemite from entering its physical domain... three words, all single syllables. What. The. Fuck. They ban something that just happens to be good for you, yet keep McDonalds blowing and going, explain that shit?!? I just don’t understand it at all. Now I do understand that I am American, and I have lived within this country all my life, but some shit is just beyond my comprehension, because it’s so asinine that it creates a sonic boom as it flies over my damn head. I do wonder what next they will ban. I mean maybe an apple; say an orange, maybe, just maybe even carrots. If I’m going to create hyperboles I may as well go all out, follow me? Sure the ol’ Vegemite is an acquired taste but nevertheless, because it contains folic acid it gets the ban, I know a few things that need to be banned.

1. The President. Anyone that resembles an ape, specifically a chimpanzee really needs not be in office. I’m sure there are some out there that will say, but look at the gasoline prices plummet. Yes, this is all nice and fine with me, less money spent, but at how many soldier’s lives will it cost to get it to an even two dollars?

2. Shitty Movie Remakes. I don’t need to go any further into details.

3. The Utterly Idiotic Individuals. Because no one needs them, and I far less than your average person.

I cant wait for America to do something so mentally challenged for its foreign policy, like say, just for example ban anything coming from China. That will be a day when America starves and all its shit becomes obsolete. As if it hasn’t already at the writing of this. It’s the fact that America is at the top of all world super powers yet they have a leader that could be assaulted by a seven year old on the playground with not even the slightest hint of strain. And I have in mind that the Director of the FDA (Federal Department of Agriculture) is about in the same league as our dear ol’ dim witted Pres.

If I did not have it on good authority, namely that of common-fucking-sense, that the status quo of the American people are afraid of the government and will follow it blindly like sheep to a Sheppard, I would say we need to say enough is enough and stop all this asinine legislation and passing of foolish and ignorant laws be it by the FDA or any other department of this or that. But will this happen? Let’s just put it this way, at the start of the American Civil War people would bring picnic baskets and blankets and watch the battles as if it was an entertainment spectacle. So with a firm and unblinking eye I say… No. So by the powers that be and hopefully those above, get me the fuck off this ever-progressing-toward-totalitarianism-rock!

That said and all, moving on to other things to speak upon. Namely one in which most can clearly see. New graphics. Yes indeed, a very fresh one, made it earlier in the day. I also did a little alignment changes and colour editing. Hopefully the font sizes will work their-damned-selves out. I don’t want to have to fool with it; it’s a pain in the neck as it were. My gratitude goes to all those individuals that like to piss-fart about with CSS and make layouts etc. The font that the main text of the header is done in is none other than the font from Resident Evil. Which can be found on the dafont.com site as well as the font behind it. I think it looks rather nice, and gives the page a little splash of colour. Nothing to loud, and nothing too dull, a good median.

At the current time I am half way through The Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy, it only has I believe thirty-five chapters, and well so far it’s a pretty damn fine read. Lots of humour that has made me giggle. Normally I read pretty dry shit; I won’t even try and hide that fact. Seriously who the fuck in their right mind reads Darwin’s The Decent Of Man? So this is a little change of pace for me, one that I thoroughly enjoy as well. When I read Marvin’s dialogue I honestly hear Alan Rickman’s voice. And yes, just as when I watched the movie I was annoyed by Zaphod, and am as well annoyed by him in the book. But I suppose this is a good sign that Adams did his job, and did it well. His use of foreshadowing, by blatantly coming out and saying what’s going to happen in the future is something I don’t know how to express in writing other than the fact I think its rather humorous.

I do realize I should be very much in bed at this time and asleep at the moment, but I think I feel a case of insomnia coming on. Someone needs to crack me in the head with a blunt object sometimes. I need to work on a tattoo design for a fellow at work, but I just don’t have it in me. I’m one of those individuals that likes to do shit on his own time and at his on volition. Call me crazy but he aint paying for it I will have it done when I am good and ready. Someone remind me to start on the fucker soon. Okay I must cut this off now, I’ve said a lot and I’ve said nothing at all.


[Edit]

APPEARENTLY THE UNITED STATES FDA is now denying the ban on Vegemite. Mike Herndon of the FDA said this today "There is no ban on Vegemite," to AAP. He also went on to say this, "In and of itself, it's not a violation. If they're adding folate to it, boosting it up, technically it would be a violation. But the FDA has not targeted it and I don't think we intend to target Vegemite simply because of that."

With that said, I think America needs to pull its head out its ass for once and realize that it cant just say something and then turn around and deny it the next day. I do realize that the majority of the departments of the United States, no matter which ones they are, are in fact full of fucktards but goddamnit, wake up. Anyway, thats the update.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20641599-1702,00.html

XVI

Ive had to put a long exposure on hold until the weather is much better, and or I get the balls to step out in the cold. I'm finally off on a Saturday, and that means only one thing, I am going to go shoot the fuck out of my camera(s). I dont really have anything planned to shoot but I will see things as I go, and hopefully shit turns out to be for the better. I really need to clean my nails, I just noticed this they are filthy, and how the fuck that happens I dont know, especially since I wear gloves all day.

At work Friday James and I tried to set Jeffs nuts on fire while he was sleeping, they didnt light, but the paper we used sure did. That should be a job hazard, two guys that have nothing better to do. And, never fall asleep there, shit will happen.

I did my interview for Newly Weds Foods, hopefully I hear back from them, cause god only knows I want that job bad. So heres to hoping I get it. When I got off work today I came home, talked to Jessica a little bit and then passed the fuck out for the longest, a few hours sleep all week just wasnt cutting it apperently.

I aint got much to say really.

XV

I worked on it all morning, I looked at hundreds of lines of codes and couldnt figure shit out as to why my side bar was elsewhere, when it needed to be where it wasnt... savy?
Seems Thur came through yet again, and yes I shall edit this template to death just like I normally do. Just have to give me time is all. Sooner or later I think I may walk or hell, even drive down the road and look for some photos amongst all the rubble that could be a photo. I have also decided I am through with playing mind games with people around me, they shall have to rise to my level now instead of me humoring them and talking like a idiot. Damn those simple words! Speaking of words, I will need a new book to read soon enough, I am at the closing of The Screwtape Letters. It's not a bad read, though I expected more from it and that was my folly completely. I think I might pick up Some Adams and give him a read, people seem to enjoy him, so I ponder forming my own conclusion on him, and his works. But should an artist be judged solely on that of his works?
I probably need to edit some more lines (really only 1) of code so as I dont have to justify this within the post. I understand that many individuals that keep these things speak of world happenings et cetera, though I shall not, I was never much for the news, and I see now that, that is my egocentrism working its magic. Wars, famine be damned. Am I such a mean person? I dont think so, and as my opinion on this matter means the most to me personally, I suppose I am not. So suck it up and deal people. Thats enough.

XIV

So I got out and about today when I went to turn in my time card for the company I work for, for some reason they always ask if I turn mine in and every time they do I say the same thing, "I do it on Sunday." You would think they would take a hint, that, yes I turn mine in on Sunday. While I was out and about I decided it was high time I get out and shoot some things, so I took my camera with me and shot the shit out of it. I knew I would be using the RAW format so I stopped over at Hastings and downloaded Picasa 2 because I didnt want the hassel of having to deal with the software that is on my computer at the moment. After stopping in at Hastings I headed to Staples and chit-chatted with the print center guy and discussed printing photos and whatnot, got a price sheet and shit, so I may very well decorate my room and shit with high quality prints of my own work... call me egotistical, I give a fuck not.

The picture above I shot before I went to town of my sister filing out my nephews baby book. I think its pretty nice shot, I took a good dozen or so of them playing around in the yard and stuff. Now I'm just chillin really. I made a loop of some piano, drums, violin and bass last night I think... yes it was last night, its pretty groovy, everything from scratch as normal. My music is only as good as I am in creating it. I will rarely rely on a drum loop if I know I can make one myself.

I stopped off at my friends house Saturday and we bullshitted and what not... Hes still waiting on the State of Texas to validate his insurance selling licence or some shit. Best of luck to him on that. Im going to burn Photoshop and FL Studio for him when he gets a new computer so he will have them and we can trade shit back and forth and build onto tracks and stuff and collab and shit. Anyway thats about it in all honesty.

XIII

Well then, there you have it, 3rd picture with my new 300D, not a bad piece of equipment, a little more difficult to use than a normal film camera, so many options programmed into the damn thing, not like a normal one where you have to know how to do it to start with. Other than that, might go shooting after work tomorrow if I have the petrol and whatnot. Welp, yup that about wraps it up.

XII

I cant turn my back on that place one fucking second it seems. So they moved me over to preblaster, I suppose as kind of a mini-vacation while at work to calm me down because I was so outraged. So this new guy is going to do my job. So Im at the preblaster all morning up til lunch and a little bit after. Then low and behold who do I see coming up on a lift, Rod and the new guy. I ask whats the problem, because I KNEW there would be one. Apprently the new guy stenciled 107 joints ass-backwards. How the fuck you do that is just beyond me, I mean cant the fucker read? It turns out James was about ready to quit if Rod didnt come and get me, well James got me back, the table was all backed up and shit and the new guy was all high and didnt know what was going on. So I went over there and in less than 20 minutes we were working with minimal pipe on the table. Figures. If you want something done right, sometimes you have to do it yourself it seems. I no longer have to work late anymore since my patcher replacement for the night shift shows up on time everyday... thank fuck. So I do believe later today I am going to go purchase a 350D, not sure if it has a lens or not, if it doesnt, no problem I have a EOS lens, not to mention I will know how to compensate for sensor crop.

I finally changed my xp start up sound, been meaning to do it for the longest, even on my other machine but never got around to doing it, but I finally did it on Rasputin (laptop) I changed it to Beethoven's 9th symphony's opening of the 4th movement. Not Ode to Joy, but the very start of the 4th movement. Very pleasing really, now I dont have to deal with that annoying XP sound when I start up Rasputin.

You know, I am such a lucky guy, honestly I am, so many men have no idea how lucky I really am. I was ready to quit my job and what happens, my Sunshine Love is behind me the whole way, now thats dedication and love gentlemen. So few people understand what it means to have a loving relationship as I have. Sunshine is always behind me in my decisions. The love and warmth she radiates is ten time better than the sun, I'm telling you guys. If you find one like her keep her love her and cherish every moment, she will make your life so worth living and getting up in the morning I promise.

Hopefully soon I will get that camera I want and be able to actually get out from work and take some photos. Might post one or two, whos to say?

XI

I damn near quit my job. And oh so how I wanted to. You have no idea how bad I wanted to. Those stupid fucking idiots. If I last two more weeks there, we so need to throw a party cause it will be a miracle. Other than that, Ive made a few short piano pieces One in A minor the other in I want to say in D minor, though it may have been D# minor, whos to know if I dont know though. I do believe next week I am going to go ahead an purchase a 350D, might only be a body but nevertheless I have a canon lense that works just fine on the body, not to mention I am going to have to compensate for the sensor crop so I do believe the first two pictures or so that I take will be used to figure the compensation zoom. That way when I shoot I will be shooting true 50mm not 50mm and then some. Imma 50mm kinda guy what can I say.

X

Have you ever felt in love so much that no matter the outcome, the concequences or reprocussions that it didnt matter what you did that in the end all will work itself out, either by your death or by anthers?

IX

Do you ever feel like just picking up a few CDs of music you havent heard in a good while and have always enjoyed and rediscovering all the little intricate details ladent in it? I know I do. After work I stopped by Hasting, Music/Entertainment Store to pick up some music, because, yes I do pirate music off the net sometimes, but if I really want something I will out right buy the mother fucker. So I head straight to the Classical section of the music department, I pick out some Tchaikovsky, some Beethoven, and some Wagner.

The Tchaikovsky has all his best shit, though I must say I think disc two has his better stuff than disc one, it has all the hard rocking melodic stuff that really gets the blood pumping, Nutcracker: Danse de la Fée, Nutcracker: Danse des mirlitons, Nocturne No. 4, Swan Lake: Waltz and the best one of them all, the one composition that got me into loving classical music, 1812 Overture. The Wagner I picked up are highlights from The Ring Of The Nibelungen, which's story very much reminds me of another story about a ring... Lord of the Rings... did ol JRR gank some shit? The Beethoven has what I want, Symphony No.5 in C minor, Fur Elise, and Symphony No. 9 in D minor. Like I said, all the good shit. Stuff you can almost head bang to.

Whatelse, talked to my friend Heather, she works at Hastings, shes going to see her boyfriend somewhere on Thursday, have fun fucker. I had to train a guy to patch pipe today, lets hope he knows what the fuck hes doing, cause I know I taught him what to do, but teaching and doing are two different things. Lets hope he doesnt freak out when the pipe gets backed up to his eyeballs. I bought The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, yeah I know its all Christian like, yes people I know, nevertheless I think it will be a interesting read. Ive only read a few pages so far but it seems decient enough as it were.

Nathan still has my copy of V for Vendetta, Im starting to miss my goddamn DVD man! Watch it and bring it back already, Im not Blockbuster, I have late FEES! Anyway, at the moment I am listening to Nocturne, and its so pleasing to the ears, makes me not even wanna try my hand at classical, knowing this is what I am going up against. Yeah I know what some will say, you arent going against them, you are building on the foundations in which they created in their time. Yeah, well ever heard of aiming high muthafucka? Anyway thats pretty much it.

IIX

I finally put some batteries in my camera, so now I will be able to take pictures again without it dying on me. Jessica will be extremely happy about that, though I must say, I prefer getting pictures from her than me sending them to her, guess that harkens back to the, "it's better to give then recieve" only in reverse... or some shit. Anyway, I bought a wifi sniffer after work, the damned thing works well too, I located a hotspot that is booming, right next to the library, I figured they had wireless, based on the simple fact that running a hardline to as many computers as they have would be pointless.

My work schedule has changed, now I am working shift work, I need to discuss it with my gf when I get time, and she has some time off, I think it will benefit both of us well.

What else was there to say... I bought the Saosin disc, only cost me like 9 bucks... I'm cheap like that... but its a damned good album, oh and I bought some Targus headphones... damn fine products too. My burnt ass lips are slowly healing... Im never getting near a burn off again... or helping with one for that matter, they want it done they can do it themselves. I do believe that is all for now.

VII

Where shall I start. Ahh yes. The company I work for doesnt have a secure wireless network, I know because of the fact that I sat in my truck and emailed my girlfriend.... thrice. Hrm today was an easy day, James actually took the day off and tomorrow I am going to go and create a bank account. That way I will be able to show avalibility of funds for my trip and stay in Australia. All in all its pretty cool. Check this out. I went up to the place I normally eat at for lunch, I always get the same thing, chicken gizzards (Jessica cant stand them). Anyway, they said they hadnt made any seeing as they thought the place I work for employees would be coming later, so the lady told a guy I always talk to if he would bring me some since I normally get the gizzards... so Im at my position and what do I hear, "Horsefly (thats my nickname up there, and I dont know why) your gizzards are here you fuck!" Woohoo free food, and they were fan-fucking-tastic. One of the many benefits of working for the place I do... always have money for gizzards, and cigarettes. Anyway. That was my day.

As for any other things going on... I bought a wireless card tonight, I am going to try and syphen wireless from work from where I am tomorrow. Lets hope it works. Jessica is doing treatments at the moment, and I know they arent easy, they never are... But she better rest... you hear that Jessica, you better rest.

Thats all for now.

Scatter Shooting VI

Let's see here. Hrm... Where to start. Firstly, today was a rather nice day, very easy and smooth, no major jeeps at work or anything. I did however damn near burn my face off because of a back draft from a blowtorch. Long story short; I was burning off some powder coating and the flame whipped around and sienged my arm, my goat-tee, my lips and my eye lashes. Okay not exactly the most horrific thing in the world but now I have to trim my facial hair. What else is there? Umm, I had dinner it was nice and good, talked to a friend of mine for a little bit tonight, Jules if your wondering. Transferred some files over as well when I got home.

Hrm...Dont really know whatelse to say, the day was rather uneventful truth be told. Anyway I guess that is about all for now.

Scatter Shooting V

Let’s see where to begin. I just got out of the shower, in time to walk in the kitchen to my nephew taking a little dump in the sink… what is with babies shitting wherever? I know I shit in the tub when I was little, I also shat in a lake at a State Park… blamed it on the ducks that were at least 500 feet away… but it felt good. Anyway moving on. I bought a new laptop… a Toshiba, been working to get it up today with the way I work, I just need to find someone that has a wireless connection close so I don’t have to wonder around town. Nevertheless, I have FL loaded on it, PS, FF, and Winamp and finally Windowblinds… so I’m pretty set for the moment. What I need to get soon is an installation disc for my ISP that way I can chill in bed and shit and talk to Jessica. I miss her already, we only got to talk for about two seconds before she had to go to work.
I suppose you are wanting to know about the computer… and even if you aren’t… It has a gig of RAM, which is rather nice when working in FL, and then it has 100gigs if hdd space, and has a intel solo core processor, not to keen on intel processors but it will do for the time being. Anyway that’s all I have for the moment really nothing great, nothing shocking or anything.
Oh… almost forgot, I am working in counterpoint these days, so that’s kind of cool for my songs. Anyway that’s all.

Scatter Shooting IV

Damn it, I love toast. Thats besides the point though really. So the other night I have this crazy insane massive headache (yes I know they all mean about the same, shut up kid stop bothering me) and I cant go to sleep, I try, oh how I try. So I got bored waiting for it to pass, so I check out shit about FL Studio ya know, see whats what, and I type in the name of the software in Ask.com's Blog and Feeds page, see what people think of it ya know. So I see this one talking about how the last cracked key will die soon, they change every year or so, anyway so I read on to the comments,and apparently a guy posted a zip file that had all the right shit for a good time. So I download it and do as the direction say... and wham-bam-thank-ya-ma'am I now have an unlocked FL Studio... its not the fact so much that its unlocked, its the fact that I can finally save, I can finally take my fucking time with a song, and god knows I need to.

As you read in the aforementioned paragraph about the key to FL it has led me to try and make a very complex song, since I can save now and all. I decided I would work out some Flurid Counterpoint. Not an easy task to say the least, unless your a musical genius... such as myself. I kid, god knows I need as much help as I can get, but anyway so I have this new flurid countpoint melodies worked out and am building it slowly into a solid piece of music, I have been working on it for two days now. Lets hope it sounds as good as it does in my head.

Whatelse is there to talk about really other than the fact that I work, everyone knows that. Oh yes, I bought V for Vendetta the other day... such an excellent movie. I'm thinking abuot getting a new laptop and a new tattoo sooner or later, I havent had fresh ink in fucking a year or so it seems, last tat I got was my pit tat when jimmy got his aiden tat. I think i might do something with Jessica involved. Something to memorialize our constant struggle with her cancer etc. I know I know, never get girls names on your body... yes I know this, I tattooed for two years, I know the do and donts, but then again it has meaning and what the fuck do I care what other people thing. Anyway... thats all I got for now. Maybe some shit will work its way into my head later on or something....


Oh...

and I have decided to just title all my entries "Scatter Shooting #" For all you neolithic-rock-throwing-bipeds the # means the roman numeric of that said entry.

Scatter Shooting III

Where to start? Okay first, I had a pretty good weekend, had an excellent day at work, mainly bullshitted the majority of it. Been working on a solo cello piece in C minor. New blog colours, decided it was time for a little bit of change. Ah gents I tell you, when you are in love, life is beautiful with or without colour. I reached my 1k mark now I have to just wait on the next two weeks cheques and I will have it made for the plane ticket, then I will start saving for my camera body, and then my laptop and then various monies for the stay and other expenses. I figured out Im not doing trance trance but more so IDM (intelligent Dance Music) which basically means this, its still danceable, but you can also listen to it at home and it still works well.

Okay now for some explanations. Today was a very easy day. I spent more time talking to James than actually working and still finished a round about the time I needed to be, I finished three minutes after everyone else was done, but I expected that as much, finished patching and marking and rolling them and cleaned the run off pipe so I have a fresh start in the morning. As for the C minor cello solo, Jessica loves the cello so I figured I would write a solo piece with it utilizing a piano piece I wrote a year or so ago, or at least of what I can remember of the melody I wrote. As I cant find composition I have to go on minds eye memory of what it looked like when I looked at it last and try and make it happen in real time. Its something I do often.

As for the new colours and shit, well I needed a change, there will always be a good bit of change in my life, I have come to accept it, but there will be only one thing that will not change, my baby girl will always be Jessica. As for the music, I kinda figured there had to be a genre that my music fit in, and it turns out its IDM for the sole fact that its dancey but its also metal and classically inspired, taking certain aspects from both genres at various times, such as key changes, tempos etc. Im a classically taught musician, and a self-taught guitarist so I take a lot into account when creating a song. As for the new title, it comes from a song title off the Black Hawk Down OST by Hans Zimmer.

I will work more on the layout and image graphics when the time allows me as much as I need. Until then crab cakes.

<sub>You damned kids get the fuck off my lawn!

[edit- header graphic added]</sub>

Fucking Tight-Wad!

Ha! Thats exactly what I have become at the moment, I am pinching cents just to see if I can get more money out of them, I know I know my girlfriend said get stuff for myself as well to make it seem like its not taking as long... Okay... well if I save as much as humanly possible it wont take as long... I have almost a grand and next weeks cheque I will have a grand, simple as that! only about 4000 more to get... Im coming as soon as I can.

Jessica's parcel with the FL Studio arrived today while I was basically taking a nap, I cant save in it but goddamn it I love it even if it is just the demo version! I have Fruity Slayer.... I can now rock the fuck out. Other than that, I have a three day weekend because of labour day, other than that work work work, but I am saving up for a new laptop and a new camera (oh my god its a digital!) yes, yes I know I just dont want to have to deal with the problems of having to worry about my film being messed up on a long ass trip I have enough to worry about with the plane itself as it were. I dont like flying even though I have never flown before, how ironic... or unfortunate. Nevertheless.

Now normally Jessica will send me some crack (a là Chicos) and this time was no different, she sent them and the poor things didnt make it out the bag long enough to survive on their own. Poor things... never knew what was coming. She also sent me a Daffidill Day Teddy, I decided to call it, since it is the normal custom to name fucking everything I own, Teddy Numero Duo! Other than that, she doing okay, working much the same as I am, and shes just trying her hardest to stay ahead of it all. I dont blame her, shes amazing as it were with all this bullshit. Anyway Update copmlete.

The Joys of Work

I look like I got in a small scrap with someone. Cuts and bruses here and there... lets hope I dont run out of fucking gas like I did saturday after working a 10 hour day... I will be beyond fucking pissed.

New Job

I havent been around for a week or so cause I got a new job, I am a pipe controleer at a pipe coating place. I work 50 hours a week from 6 am to 4:30 pm 5 days a week. Good money and not that hard of a job really, good time, sure its hot as fuck sometimes with temps reaching 103°F and the steam that comes out the pipes can be anywhere from 100-200° but its a good job, a real mans job. Anyway thats what Im up to during the week, havent done any photography at all really to be honest about it and I havent done any music either. But thats life, I'm saving up for Aus.

Im In A Trance

I first started thinking about it in like '99 then kinda forgot about it, then in '05 I saw a program for it and now in '06 Ive finally decided to give it a go... Desktop Djing. Basically put thats the name I have given to myself because of what I do... I take sample and whatnot and mix them up into song, but you wont see me doing it in public. Either way I have made a total of six songs at the moment, nothing momentous I assure you, a couple of them are good, namely Firefly Trance and Dawn Catalyst. At the moment I am mainly working in the Trance genre, but given the chance that I can find some very nice samples I wouldnt mind doing some Hardcore or Trancecore. Groovy. At the moment the track list that I have compiled from my long hours mixing and altering are:

Dawn Catalyst
Dream Sleep City (Beta Waves)
FireFly Trance
Fuck Like You Do
Goldfish Bowl Memory
Return My Medication

A few of the tracks are borderline ambience but most of them are trance with a little bit of hardcore in beat per minute only. They are all basically backed with a four-to- the-floor beat so its all good, nice head bobbin music I suppose. Im still doing photography but my inspiration for that has been sorta quelled at the moment, mainly I guess because its summer and I just see flat colours everywhere and in turn dull tonal ranges. But I have focused my creativity to my music and writing so its not going to waste. Not to worry though I pretty much shit creativity on a daily basis. Thats pretty much whats up with me at the moment.

Scatter Shooting II

I was sitting in my bed reading my book and I looked up for a moment and I started wondering to myself, why I ever really need sleep? If we didnt have the chemical in our body that makes us sleepy, would we ever sleep in the end? And I know some of you will say, we sleep for health reasons. Yes, yes I know, all that medical hoop-lah, but it still makes me think, do we sleep for our own actual sanity? Don't you ever feel like you are missing out on the world when you sleep? Don't you ever grow tired of those dreamscapes? Do you embrace them with so much love that you cling to them as your own little reality, and shun them away when they turn into nightmares?

I remember a dream I had last night. I was on a bicycle that was much to larger for me and I was fumbling around on a road with it, trying to keep my balance and I eventually fell off and into the grass and rolled onto a dirt road that lead to somewhere, which I dont know. Some might interprets this as me feeling like Im losing my balance in my life, that my life and relationship are the bicycle and all that good shit. No one ever thinks I might just like to ride bigger bicycles and have fun with them would that? Nah I dont believe that crap either. Do I know what its about though? Not really, dont care. Nevertheless whatever it was about, I had fun in the dream. Though I did notice one distinct thing that was missing from my dream... Laughter. I never laughed in the dream. Surely if I was having so much fun I would laugh, its just a common reaction to fun, you laugh. I guess I leave laughter for the waking reality and not the sleeping reality.

I yawn as I write this and I am no closer to understanding why I need sleep and why sometimes I go without. What will happen in my life that I wont know about while I have my eyes closed? Do the shadow men really exist, and I can only see them when I havent had enough sleep? Where does sanity and lunacy end and begin in the waking world, and why are things so sane that would be insane in the waking reality and vice versa? Flying without the aid of wings, thats crazy in the waking reality, yet perfectly normal in the sleeping reality. Maybe we all have it backwards in the end. When we are sleeping thats the true reality as it must be, no limitations on us, free to do as we please, free without constraints, and then when we "wake" we place limitations on ourselves.

Wake up Thomas... The matrix has you...

Well, the matrix needs to get me more pots so I can cook more raman noodles cause Im about ready to call the whole thing off if I dont get another pot goddamnit!

I should probably go back to bed, I only got up to smoke a cigarette and decided to type up some asinine thing, which this seems to be exactly that.

Scatter Shooting

While on my way back and from getting cigarettes I had time to think, as generally is the case, much like when Im on the shitter, or mowing the lawn or sitting in a doctors office, both the latter never happen often if ever. Be it as it may I had time on my hands, and as I am the kinda guy that never really shuts the fuck up, I was still talking, only mentally. To the point or at least one of them.
I got to thinking, there are two types of guys in this world. One, the lady magnet, much like Sean Connery, a mans man, and almost anyone would sleep with him, even straight men. Second, the men that dont have a chance in hell of being lady magnets. I think I fall in the first catergory, if I just shaped up took better care of me I could have almost anyone I wanted, good thing I already have her huh. As for the non-lady magnets, I want to say they generally have back hair. While waiting in line I was behind a man that had backhair that looks like he skinned a damn ferret and slapped him on his back. If the man ever goes bald... hes got it made.

I also kind of realised that since I never shut the fuck up, that comedy is a defence mechanism, and an entertainment option for me, I love to laugh, and make other people laugh. The one thing that I enjoy most in this world, that even sits further up the chain that photography and masturbation, is making my girl friend laugh. If I can get her damn near to the point of pissin her pants, my day is great. There is something in the saying laughter is the best medicine. I havent seen a doctor in years. Wonder if they still have my records... been so long I kind of doubt it. Basically saying, if you have a chance to laugh at anything, do it. Even if its yourself. Which brings me to a little story. I will make it short, I was drunk, the storm glass door was cleaned really really good and I ran into it and bounced off it like a racketball on concrete. Still makes me smile and laugh thinking about it.

What the hell is with the trend of diet foods, every food under the sun is now made to have a diet counterpart. People are afraid to be fat or something. I wish I kind of has more meat on my bone when winter shows its ugly face, I freeze so bad its not even funny. I get cold and have to put on a sweater when the temp gets around 20°C. And the diet pill commercials are about to drive me up the fucking wall, "Are you blah blah blah" No... Now get off my fucking screen. Or the energy pills. Just as annoying. They need that much energy, drink a Jolt Cola. Fuck all the pill stuff.

Heres a little speculation for ya, in Harry Potters last adventure... Harry and that bitch friend of his gets the ax, so all thats left is the nerdy red head dude. J. K. Rowlings axs the two strongest charactures. Hows that for a not so ironic plot twist. Ive been killing off lead charactures in stories for years. God I hate that writer, she makes a mockrey of Pagan ideals. But at least I wont have to deal with any more Potter fans for much longer... come on year 2007! I wonder how many kids are going to cry at the end of the book, like snotty nose and sucking up boogers, the whole nine yards? Will I read the book, nah, if I hang around anywhere long enough I will hear the whole story anyway, kind of works out for the best in the end, I dont have to pay money and I still hear the story, kinda like pirated music.

I wonder what I will thinking about next.

Comic

I havent drawn anything in a good while, but I decided I would post something that I decided I would do a few of, they are single panel comics of the most rudementry figures with what they are saying or something... like that, I figured I would do them over australian news and stuff, whatever I feel like making a social comment on without being all long winded or whatever. Anyway to the goddamn comic yeah?

Anyway. Yup there it is.

Gluttony

In the past few days I have almost drank a whole 12 pack of Hawaiian Punch. My parents are going down south to pick up my nephew for his "visit" and Im going to be left once again alone in my house. Most of the sodas in the house will be decimated in that time period. Well, except the diet Sprite... god I hate diet shit. My folks and I and my grandmother went out to eat at Chilis earlier tonight, I had a sorloin... Rare. Damn it was good too. Ive changed the banner graphic for yet a 3rd time for the blog, I might leave it like that. Hell might even leave the blog like it is at the current time... though I doubt it. Something will change here and there slowly. Just give it time. Sitting on my end table by my bed I have the books...
Im not really here by Tim Allen
The Hunchback Of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo
Inferno by Dante
Frankenstein by Shelley
Dracula by Stoker
Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Stevenson
Don Quixote by Cervantes
and Sanctuary by Faulkner
I wonder why that Tim Allen book seems so out of place among the rest.
I think I may give the Iliad a read again once I finish the Kesey and Faulkner books. Always did enjoy those poems. Hell might even give the Aeneid a read, if I can stand it for long enough. I dont care if they call them classics or not, some books are just fucking boring. Hell even the Quran was more exciting than Quixote. But other than that, I have nothing else to do, still need to finish out that one roll in my camera, god knows its so wound in there its gonna be a fucking bitch to load on the spiral. Might even shoot me some colour later on.

Evolution

I woke up kinda early today and didn't have anything planned whatsoever, so I decided I would work on this, and get it looking a little more hip and cool, whatever that means, I decided to try my hand at CSS, never really did much with it before, other than chance a few colours, and thats because I knew what I was doing with that, but this time I decided to give a little overhaul of coding, learned something new, its been fun.

Thats a screen shot of my work about mid-way through working with all the CSS. Hopefully if I learn as quickly as I think I do with this stuff, everything should work out just fine and fucking dandy. I decided to put down ol Quixote... ZzzzZzzz need I say more. Decided to read some Kesey and Faulkner instead, Im sure that could make up the page count. Thats it for now though, tell me what you like dont like about the layout and whatnot.

Back and Better Than Ever

I spent just about 3 hours working on this blog just to get it close to what I want it to look like, new header graphic, as well as footer, colour changes and rearrangments, a whole host of things.Thur has truely made a very versatile template. I finished the Anne Rice book, not to shabby, but wasnt that fucking great either. Now I have decided to go back to my classics, and read Don Quixote. Ive read some of it before, but hopefully it wont be as boring as The Epic of Gilgamesh, now that is a snorer. Dont really know what else to put, My sister-n-law jumped out a plane today, and had fun doing it, my gf ate a lot at lunch, which was good, I slept most the day, seems my vampiric qualities are coming back... sleep during the day, up all night. I need to change that, as much as I dont like sunlight I need to get out in it and do something or another. I hope everyone is having fun, and not drowning or anything like that. Adoniram stay safe, and stay off the side of the road man. It will be the death of you one day Im sure of it. I suppose thats it at the moment. Might find something else to talk about later on.

Searching for a God and Tool

A slight glitch in the blog earlier tonight so excuse the messiness that is the link area and the left sidebar, I will slowly get those worked out. It was completely my fault, I was trying to work out some changes to the side bars and fucked my coding all to hell. But Im trying to slowly get it back to normal. I will work out a new banner graphic etc for it, I was trying of that one.

I'm a simple kind of man, or at least I try to be, some times it does work and I am content with what I have, and at others I search for what I need. I find myself more and more contemplating what I search for, what is it I am searching for to start with? God. I was once a very devout Christian man, and planned on going to seminary to learn what I needed, not so much as to serve the church but more so to find my own understanding of God and the God nature. Then a series of unfortunate events occurred and it sent me spiraling, my faith was blown wide open and was shattered. And then a lovely, beautiful creature walked into my mist, if it was not for her and her undeniable love for me I dont think I personally would have come out of what I have come to call my regret. She has shown me that the world is still truly beautiful through her, and she gave me a gift, one that I cant shake, one that I have to use, she gave me the ability to preserve my reality, the one thing that slipped so far away from me in those times of my regret. And so now I plan to use that to try and find my God that I cast aside, do I plan on returning to the church? No. I dont need rules to tell me how I need to find what I am looking for. I tell you now that if I am searching for my god then it is far from their god, and honestly I think my god is a much simpler one. Do angels and demon exist in my word, certainly, but they arent physical beings, they are of the mental equate. And what of Satan? Satan is Hebrew for adversary and I can only think of one adversary that is more powerful that god or devil when it comes to mankind, and that is none other than man himself. I have a few theories as to what the face of god looks like and the way "Adam" was first made and the knowledge gained from that certain tree.
If you look into the bible and read slowly about the creation of man or what was to become man shit just doesnt add up at all, and dont read the words look at the words and look at the church as a person. The being who is the church would rather have devotion and ignorance, than other bodies with knowledge and their own self will. Basically saying, it sounds a little bit like a tyranny to me and Im sure I am not the only one to see it that way. Its almost ironic now that I take out my New American Bible, also known as the Official Catholic Bible, I see a sticker that I place on it when I was rather devout, not as a Catholic, but as a Baptist, it is a holographic sticker which features and eye. It says in Genesis Chapter 2, verses 16-17; The LORD God gave man this order: "You are free to eat from any of the trees of the garden except the tree of knowledge of good and bad. From that tree you shall not eat; the moment you eat from it you are surely doomed to die" from this we must look at Adam "himself" for Adam means man in Hebrew and Adama means ground. So with this in mind, when god created Adam, he didnt create a flesh and blood being, I am let to believe, but more so a soul. If we look at the passage just referenced we see it says at the end, it says eat of the tree will doom him to die. We have the settled believe that only our body dies when we "mortally" die, so basically saying, had he not ate the fruit he would not be a flesh and blood man, and therefore he would not have a body but would be an unmoded soul, which as I have read from a few Hebrew discussions on the genesis of man, the Rabbi stating that god was considered to be a very fluid being and when he created man in his image, this is what he would have looked like... A fluid creature.
I do believe it is a well found belief among Christian mythology that God saves the souls of those that repent. And so only the shell of the person is left to decay. In the third chapter of Genesis we see the serpent, referred to as "the most cunning of all the animals that the LORD God had made" and we see the female talking to it, and she states to the serpent in the end, restating Gods words, "You shall not eat it or even touch it lest you die." and with that the serpent says, "You certainly will not Die! No, God knows well that the moment you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like gods who know what is good and what is bad." Strange that the serpent should have far more knowledge than man himself? Not so much, for Genesis is heavily edited from its first version and that which was cast out of the book, no pun intended, was deemed forbidden, much like the knowledge we possessed after eating the fruit. We assume, that God is all knowing, yet we see in verse 9 The LORD God then called to the man and asked him, "Where are you?" Only when man answers does God find him. So is god infallible? No. Hes all knowing but cant even find his own creature which he created in his own bloody Eden. It is also stated in Genesis that God was rather wrathful, flooding the earth and killing everyone but a drunkard and the people he put on a boat? Sure the story of the Ark is merely a parable, but the fact remains, that the Christian God before he ever became the Christian God was vengeful and so I state this now, in all of us is God, the ability to understand, to care, compassion, but so too is the ability to carry out wrath and vengeance as the early God did so often. Basically it comes down to this, you can have free will, but only so much as it doesnt interfere with what the capture God wants. I'm probably going to get some heat from this but fuck it. I said it plainly as I can, read it for yourself its in the book. Man has both advaceries in them, God and Satan, you choose which will rule, nothing else. Are you on this earth for a purpose? I dont know, only you know your purpose, is everything predestined? Flip a fucking coin and best two out of three gets the gold. Did man die when he ate the fruit? No, he gained a body and knew better reason. The only thing that died was his ignorance, and the inability to reason for himself. For what is reason other than the choice between which is worse and going with the one that isnt. Nice choices huh? Shit happens. Thats it for this theologian spew, maybe more later. My brain isnt what it use to be.

---

I just recently got the new Tool album, very nice work, I like a few ideas they present and work through, nice job.

Scion

Companionship of dying hand. Laughter hung on the line of the mother tongue. He scooped the last handful of sun baked sand over the mound. Earth's womb barren where the eyes gaze. He rested once more atop dry cracking knees. His hands that held with in the folds mirroring baked river beds, histories of generations before him but he would never pass on, they purposefully dropped to his sides, there no longer arose purpose of them. He was the last of his kind. No one could understand him, he was the last relic of a dead language.

No rosette stone could conjure back that which he desired most, someone to speak with. He followed the horizon, barren as the books of histories to his face now and for eternity. His head drooped lower, his neck curving with the movement. He placed one foot in front of the other with an attempt to ambulate. Dust rose from the ground as his bare feet, soles harden with every inch of life taken compacted the earth. Each foot tossing up a cloud of dust for a moment, it lingering as though held in place by strings. The world was coming to an end.

He placed a hand on a mud brick wall and mentally pulled himself to the wall, turning he slid down it, a jolt of pain erupted in his chest, fire shooting through his chest, vision narrowing, eyes watering, he scanned the horizon, knowing it was the first thing he saw as the child he once was but no longer remembers, and it would be the last thing he would see as a broken old man with no hair and bad knees. His breath escaped his lungs and the darkness fell, the world was at an end.

Ended to the fury of the sun and the last breath of the scion.

Just another day witnessing the death of a old world language.

57 Words

With every fall of his foot a cloud of dust was puffed into teh air. It hung for a moment or two like hanging by strings and then settled.
Last of his kind.
No one spoke his language. Last of his stinking kind. A sharp pain struck him to the ground.
Death of a old world language.

note: This is only 57 words to get an idea started, I have completed the other bit of prose that is the completion of this and will post it later.

I Aint Dead Yet

I swear I aint dead yet, might have thought it but I'm not. Being unemployed kinda sucks but thats okay, life is that way sometimes. Ive been writing on a story lately that I call "NUMbERS", short fiction as always, and in the horror genre as normal also. Basically been doing fuck all really.

Untitled Post (I couldn't think of a name for it)

I believe that all humans are creative inherently. Deep down in the bowels of our minds there rest a need to be creative in one form or another. Through out my life I have found different methods of being creative, to harness this creative spirit within myself. First it was drawing which then proceeded to writing and poetry. From poetry I left it and continued to work more on writing, to define a style in having no style at all, as I was told by a friend who read many of my works. From writing I began a path in music. First the trumpet and then piano and clarinet, percussion and the likes. After starting high school I took of guitar and abandoned the rest. Mid-way through high school I took up digital art and kept with my music and writing. I stayed in digital art for a good five years. And from there I stepped into photography with the suggestion of my girlfriend and I enjoy it thoroughly. It has allowed me more control of something that in the past and I like that it allows my creativity to flow smoothly.

Another thing that I enjoy the most in photography is the printing. There is nothing like looking at a print in white light after you have followed you own printing techniques. It’s amazing to say the least. Granted I don’t place the paper emulsion side up in the tray I do it emulsion side down. I could go into explanation as to why I do this if you want but maybe at another time. I’m rereading the Sword of Truth saga by Terry Goodkind again, I always enjoyed the novels and I recommend them to anyone that would like to read a good fantasy series. Tomorrow I have an interview and even though I am rather hesitant about being a server at a restaurant if it pays good then it does. I will have to remember not to be myself.

I digress though. Back to subject. As I see it every person creates out of need and survival, what allowed us to adapt so many millennia ago is still very much with us now. I see it as a rather subconscious form in many people. It may not be for artistic cause but nevertheless it is there. Our own love for creativity is almost tantamount to that of a fanatic’s justification in killing in their god’s name. We need it like we need food. If a child has nothing else but a dilapidated house over its head, it will find something to do, it will create something to fill its mind with wonder. So get out there and create.

New Leaf Continued

New Layout change, thanks to a template from, Thur very appreciative of that. My new grain enlarger arrived today and it is a beautiful thing as well as my 6x6 negative carrier. New look, new ideas. I am currently in a photo challenge brought on by my friend Jules. Pretty fun gets the juices flowing. Also I have a job interview Monday at 11:30am and it will also be my 35^th anniversary. Almost three years together... I so want to marry this girl, she is the most beautiful, smart and sexy woman in the world. God, why did I have to be born in this country instead of hers? Don't think I'm going to get an answer to that but that's okay I suppose.
Hopefully I get this job I am interviewing for. I need the money, I need a bank account, I need to save like a motherfucker. Nevertheless. Hopefully next week will be my week, if not, maybe the next one. I'm to up beat for my own good sometimes.

New Leaf

Termination. Sort of. I was fired on his part, and I quit on my part. I gave up basically. He thought I wasn't listening to directions, I thought he was a digital sell out. Basically when it comes down to it, to me it was a meeting of artistic differences. But whatever, I hope his publication does well, I enjoyed the stories and the people I met through him, good guy in the end. But in the end commercial photography isnt my thing I suppose, fine art, fine silver prints are on the other hand. So now its time to get a new real job and keep shit simple. In other words, use the fuck out of some film. And master darkroom printing, learning from the masters as I did before. So Adams, open that brain of yours, its time to dig around in there again and learn medium format with the good graces of my girl friend and a prayer.

Cemeteries and David Horton

How unlikely could it be when searching for lost family names and plots that you could come across a man, who has spent roughly six years doing just that? Sit back in your favorite arm chair, and let me tell you a tale that is full of skill, doggedness and a hound dog's nose for a trail.

Meet David M. Horton, expert in underwater acoustics dealing in anti-submarine warfare, turned electrical engineer, turned historian. Dealing with particulars straight out of The Hunt For the Red October his attention to details in research is unrivialsed in this area.

Our story starts off with taking a photo of an abandoned church. I went up to the Chamber of Commerce and asked if they had a list of all the churches in Titus county. They had exactly the list I was looking for. The lady I was speaking with happened to hand me a list of all the documented cemeteries in Titus as well. This is where my hunt of churches was abandoned in favor of cemeteries. Maybe it was the ghost stories I heard as a child.

Suddenly my eyes came across something that really made me interested. It was a single grave cemetery in the middle of nowhere. When searching for cemeteries in this area, Mr. Horton's name will come up. Seems the packet of cemeteries I was using previously to finding the site was rather out of date. I was in luck here, considering he's pretty knowledgeable. "I spent roughly siz years working on this." He said. Large volumes of work have been done by Horton, all in the name of history.

The lone grave is John J. Murrie originally from Clarksville. He had taken ill while visiting family as it was related to myself and that of Mr. Horton. The family then began the long hard trail to bring his body back to Clarksville. The Sulphur River was flooded and they could not cross. "They then asked permission to bury his body on the Fishback's land." Para-quoted from Horton's Murrie page on the TXGenWeb Project. They were granted permission and so buried him in what is now a clearing out in the Talco area. With the aid of Horton's G.P.S. coordination I located it. With help from my significant other, we found that some of the Murrie family from the Red River County area moved to Upshur County. All traces of the Murrie name disappear after 1940 via census records.

Ellis Ranch cemetery as stated by Mr. Horton is located in the Davy Withworth Headright survey. He quotes Lynch Harper, as there being, "6 to 20 ex-slaves buried in this cemetery." Dr. Ellis has been referenced in Lynch Harper's Cemeteries of Titus County as stating that a young African-American named Toby Newton was one of the buried within the cemetery. This cemetery is currently lost to us, as is another. "Unnamed Cemetery #2" is located on lands currently owned by Keith Wofford. Horton states Mr. Wofford, "some previous tenant of the land removed the stones that once marked the cemetery and used them on the fence line." An estimated 40 graves existed in the cemetery and the only identifiable one being Simon LePugh, whom was buried in 1902.

Mr. Horton and Oscar Hill cleaned up West New Hope last year but it still needs a lot of work done, these cemeteries can't save themselves, so it really is up to individuals that care about this history and the foundation of their county to try and save many of these abandoned cemeteries. Another cemetery that needs possible saving is that of the Pitts Cemetery. It is currently owned by a paper company. At the time of the interview with Mr. Horton the name of the paper company was not forthcoming to memory, nevertheless it still needs to be cleaned and made fit. The Pitts cemetery is one of the larger abandoned cemeteries in the area. It is estimated that 20 plus graves are located on its grounds. Mr. Horton states there are currently 20 monuments still standing at the site.

The Christian cemetery was located at East First Street and South Lide Avenue Horton states. Horton and Traylor both state that around the turn of the 20th century Felix W. Fitzpactrick had the monuments moved from Christian Cemetery to Masonic. Mr. Horton states, "there were numerous graves in this cemetery on which no attempt was made to remove the remains, and doubtless many houses in the area have been built over the graves." But he does state that the Johnsons, Wesley and Bill Johnson, if they found any remains at all were placed in one box and moved.

So I ask the readers of this fine publication please if you can try and help us, the people that care about the history and the lives lived in this area, to help us keep it strong and alive. David Horton spent six years putting together a list of the cemeteries and their whereabouts. We really need to understand a lot about the world we live in and the world and times in which our ancestors lived. People had it rough in the old days. Take this into account. John J. Murrie was buried by the road side. This being in 1869. The grave was buried by the old Clarksville road. To my knowledge this road no longer exist. Times have changed, but this doesn't mean we have to adandoned those that came before us.

Past Events of A Working Man

A lot has happened since I last posted. New camera (sorta) Its an old Leicaflex SL from 1968, pretty decent camera, just needs some minor fixes but it work just fine. A Weston Master 2 exposure meter, analog style, no batter and a turn dial to find the correct reading, in other words the right way to do something. Also I was fortunate for my babygirl bought me 250 sheets of 8x10 Panalure Select RC. I also have written a story for my job, that I hope gets published, it was about the second to last post on here. Been rather busy. Not to mention I bought Adams' The Print so I will try and learn as much as I humanly can out of that book to put them towards my own prints and re-evaluating past ones and future ones. I have restocked my chemicals for printing, 2 gallons of Dektol and 2 gallons of Fixer, lets hope I dont fuck up this batch of Dektol. I am going to try and get in a photography class presided over by a Brooks Institue grad, that should be cool. Other than that, just reading up on stuff and doing my normal work thing.

Opinion: Bullshit Gear Talk

They say any great photographer, or true photographer cares nothing for the talk about gear, because they realize it really doesn’t mean a thing. This is true. It doesn’t mean a thing. So why do so many people get into the fact that this lens or that lens is so much better? Are they flexing their photographic bank accounts? Let’s take one thing at a time.

Does gear matter in the first place? The simplest answer to it is no. It has never mattered in the least. Street photographers love talking about their Leicas, sure Leicas are good cameras, built to last, but would they have been as popular has Henri Cartier-Bresson used one? We will never know. Are Hasselblads the cream of the 120 crop? Maybe, but there are so many other medium format cameras out there that can in the right hands be just as good. What about Linhof’s Master Technika? Superb 4x5 camera, but will it make you all that much better? I’m going to have to go with the, not-a-chance-in-hell answer here. As it has been my experience, you get worse when you try and take on a much higher grade tool when you haven’t first mastered the basics. So basically saying you’re dying to get that new camera because it’s all nice and shiny, but do you really need it, I mean, do you REALLY need it? Have you come to the point that your basic camera isn’t providing you with the options you need? Yes you say, well then, now is the only legitimate time to go flexing your bank account.

This lens is better than that lens! Either way you can’t shoot worth a shit with either one of them. So many times have I seen people yammer over how good a lens is and that they need it and yadda yadda, when in fact, and this is the terrible truth, they can’t compose for shit with a normal lens. So I suggest to all of you, go out get a 50mm 1.8 lens and learn how to compose your photos for the love of all things holy! And knock off all the gear talk, it just makes you look like you are a walking hard-on with a $700 lens, which in some case I have seen, that basically is the case. I demand that people show me what they can do with the old standard. That should be the only qualifications as to wanting a new lens, learn the basics people, and learn them well.

Now to the subject of bank account flexing. You poor bastards. I don’t know if its to impress a girl or try and make yourself look good in front of others, either way, in front of me it does nothing for you other than makes you look just like the rich guy with the Porsche, dong-compensation. Here are some basics you will need to do a few types of photography. Camera, Lens, Film and Tripod. That’s all you need. The rest is minor details. Night photography, add a cable release. Sports photography, add more hobbies. Your child’s greatest moments, add nothing, just go home and stay there.

Photographs of Lost Cemeteries Pt.3 (4 photos)

Murrie Cemetery found. I'm rather positive that if it wasn't for the kindness of my significant other, I would not have. Early last week, she decided I needed a GPS locator. So she went on eBay and found a Magellan GPS 2000. Why she thought I needed one of those and not just a simple compass is beyond me, I'm more than sure she will chalk it up to, "cause I thought it would be easier for you to use..." and granted she is probably right, I suck with compasses. Nevertheless though I went out there again today armed with two cameras, a GPS locator and the sun blazing down on the lands face. I actually stumbled across it my accident in a way. I was following the way the gps locater was telling me to go and I came onto some land that has a massive field of Indian Paint Brushes, apprently I had walked by the area it was located in a few time, damn me for not bringing my glasses along as well. Either way as I made my way back I had two dogs follow me, good dogs; I decided to go down a hill and into a clear, I was talking to the remaining dog at the time. so I basically said, why don't we try over here, and I walk right onto the spot. So thanks puppy. Now to get to the photos section of this with brief explination as to what the photos are of.

_{This shows the grave stone as it is encircled by I assume Poison Ivy. The seperation in the middle of the stone is not apparently in this photo. But the shade afforded by the many large trees surrounding the grave are.}

_{In this photo you can clearly see the headstone and that of the foot marker. John Murrie was a tall man, at least to me.}

_{Within this photo, the seperation of the two halves of the stone are rather apparent, the metal work use to place them back together is only dimly visiable. On examining the back of the stone I gathered it was cut in St. Louis, as for the cutters, I could not make out the name.}

_{This shot is to show the metal work put in place to hold the headstone together. Pretty crafty.}

All in all this has been a rather fun grave hunt. The man that I mentioned in the previous post was David Horton. I dont honestly need him to show me the grave any longer, as for landmarks to find it...
Take a right when you see a green deer blind, walk to a spray painted fence post. Look to your left, locate another spray painted fence post, this one will have a board screwed to it, walk to that post, turn to your left and you will spot the grave very clearly. Thanks David, you helped a bunch. Maybe for the story of the man, but in the actual location of the site... not so much. Now comes the part where I select another cemetery to try and locate. I'm sure I will return to this one very often if I have the money to put in for petrol. Hell might even clean it up a bit.
Thats all for now.
I would like to thank Jessica for affording me the use of a GPS locator and putting so much hard work behind me, even after coming home from a very long day at work herself. Love you babygirl.

Photographs of Lost Cemeteries Pt.2

As I have said, this is an ongoing thing. I got into work today around 2-ish after running around for a bit, I mock up a paper and whatnot, my normal thing when dealing with buisnesses that are not in my vacinity. Then my boss walks in, he tells me, The East Texas Journal has to be two places at once. Thats a tough thing to do, so I was handed the craft fair thing for tomorrow. Before he left I told him about this project that I am working on, I may have peeked his interest, hes going to see if he can get me in touch with a guy that might know how to find it pretty easily. Thats a plus in the right direction. So hopefully soon I will be able to get some photos of this one man cemetery. Might do some more research and see if there are any living decendence of the family name of Murrie. Hopefully I will find a back story for this event with only a single old gravestone to commorate it. I dont know why this is so interesting to me to be honest. Just dont know. Hopefully I will update with a part 3 that will have me finding the site and being able to document it.

_{Stainglass Window, Camp County
© Copyright 2006 Thomas Simpson}

Photographs of Lost Cemeteries Pt.1

I dont know how it got into my head, I suppose it was when I was photographing an old abandoned church out by what people around these parts call Argo. As for how this turned into serching for abandoned and possibly lost graveyards, is slightly... Unbeknownst to me. Today I went out and decided to find a certain graveyard. The name it was given was Murrie Cemetery. Contents of the graveyard? One grave supposedly. I say supposedly because I have yet to find it. It is located somewhere in the back woods of Northeast Texas. I located the area of it, but not the actual place.

I was slightly lost looking for it, for one I'm not exactly familiar with all the roads names and markers in the area. I got close when I stopped and asked for directions a second time. It was an elderly man sitting in the chair, reading a magazine and having a drink out of a Dr.Pepper can. I asked him this that and another, and we began chit chatting, very nice fellow. He had never heard of the place or the name. But he did point me in the right direction nevertheless.

I then found the road, and started down it, _1/10th of a mile. Location sort of found. I was suppost to head north for another _1/10th of a mile and I would find it, I have a inkling that I headed in the wrong direction, but not all was lost. I did happen upon an old barn, possibly a house, and an old water well that had been filled in. I took a few snaps of them, mainly for documentational purposes. The weather wasnt looking too good. So I headed back to my truck with it in mind that I would very well try it once the weather was clear and I could get some deep shadowing and what not in the photo.

In other news Im having my negatives scanned and placed on disc for me. They are not of the previous events I just told but once I develop those negatives Im sure I will have them scanned as well. This is an ongoing project I plan to see out. To me its rather interesting.

Art and Self Contemplation

Contemplation seems to be mans worst problem, right behind the other fifty million. I think I have a problem. I think I’m slacking on my works and its hurting me creatively. I spend a little bit of time in the darkroom these days than when I started. Namely my job hinders me, being on a different schedule as my girl friend hinders me. I’m not use to doing things in the photographic arts so slowly. It’s rather depressing when I think on it in more fanciful notion. I have started looking at my negatives more closely once a print is made and think to myself that 98% of them are utter shit. Maybe one or two or worth the effort in making master prints of. The rest can be burned, wouldn’t matter. I don’t know if I need to just get outside and shoot the ever loving shit out of a few rolls or look at what I have done and really look at it closely and decide a direction I want to take or feel I should take. I have so many ideas that there seem to just be too many to make up my mind with. Maybe I should have some of my negative scanned, maybe not, I don’t honestly know. I am in a predicament.

I’m also slightly scatter-brained at the moment. Can’t remember things, and those I can’t don’t me shit in the end. I have become offensive and rather blunt and insensitive towards my love, and I feel like she feels dejected by me, and that isn’t in any way no matter how you look at it a good thing. It’s almost as though I am creating a larger rift between us and as if the Pacific Ocean wasn’t already large enough in that sense. She once told me she felt like we were losing it. I would almost agree with her now, now that I think upon it. Maybe it isn’t the same as it was before. But puppy love should have its end point. I suppose I blame my financial standing and funds at the moments. I’m sure we have all been in that place before. Wanting to shower a woman with gift and affection and being unable to do so. A rather irking sensation in my mind.

Sometimes I lay in my bed at night with the side table lamp on, when I told her I have went to bed and she thinks I’m sleeping; I’m slowly contemplating our future ahead or the lack of one. Everything can be looked at logically, but love. Art can be and certainly is for me a logical process with given rules and breaking of certain ones. Love on the other hand, not so much. I know she’s going to read this, she always does, that’s one thing I know for a fact, and more likely than not I will get yelled out. But then again sometimes you have to just put yourself out there, and say what needs to be said. Now what to do about my art. God forbid one would want to know what the most logical step should be and cant see passed their short comings.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new time and a new direction. For some. As for me, that’s yet to be seen.

Trouble Sleeping

I always seem to have trouble sleeping these days. Don’t know what it is really. Active mind possibly. I was looking at a print I had made earlier in the week or so, possibly last week, my mind doesn’t function well with time these days. It was a roll that I had developed when I was first getting into photography. It clearly shows my lack of understanding of depth of field and aperture relation.

I suppose I printed it because I like the way the light was on it. How it moved through the trees. I then began to think about the magic of it all. It gave me a good bit of pride to realize that I have done everything to it; it was my creation, every last part of it. I crawled down into the dry river bed, I set up the shot, I rook it, and once I found the cassette again, I developed it and then made prints from those negatives. I suppose it’s not in the magic of seeing the print develop on the paper but more of the magic of making everything from start to finish.

I don’t know what drives other people to do what they do in photography, I don’t. I was reading a book lately called Photography A Crash Course and it seems all the young bold photographers either was killed or committed suicide. Not exactly a sobering moment, but it does make one wonder. Or in my case makes you wish you could slap them and say stop being emotional like a poet, their suppose to be all tragic and like wise of that bullshit nature, you are a photographer, snap out of it! But you cant do that. You wish you could but you cant.

I have a lot of thoughts about photography and the way it plays out in my head. Various thoughts of this and that mainly. Late night spend up thinking of if I did this, or that really. Finding a new vocabulary word and finding out what it means and reading up on it, things of that nature, now I’m just petering around with words.

Eat, Sleep, Shit Silver Prints

Thats basically what I have been doing today. I woke up today thinking about silver prints, When I ate dinner I was thinking about then, and subsequently... You get the point. So I stepped back into the darkroom today to do some good old fun printing. Had a blast too.

I made to prints with vingettes around them, one for my Jessica and the other for my mother. Then I did some prints for myself. Redid Gallery Books for myself, and Chair, Vines, which I sent the original to Jessica, then I did Statue, Rose, and Dry River Bed. For the vingettings I did Rose. And they look absolutely awesome, very delicate and romantic. Which leads me in away with something I want to talk about.

The way I do my prints. I dont know if I do it different from a lot of you silver print makers out there or not but I do it my way and I do it the best that I can. Once I make my exposure and go to develop it, instead of developing it emulsion side up, I do it down. That way developer get on the emulsion evenly. Or at least thats my reasoning. I also agitate them slightly differently, I move them back and forth in the developer and then side to side, do the same with stop bath and fixer.... then wash them and hang them to dry. I just think Ive never heard of someone developing the print upside down because they want to see the print appear before their eyes. I care less about it apprearing before my eyes, I want it to be developed the best it can be etc. Anyway, thats all I got for the moment. If anyone knows of a place I can get Kodak Panalure Select papers either in 5x7 of 8x10 size let me know.

Day O' Darkroom!

Today was a bitter sweet day. I went to Pattersons and got some more stuff, but the downside, Jessica was in Brisbane for chemo when I made my first truely successful print, looks just like the picture in the previous post, Im happy, but sad. On an up beat note, I decided I would do some late night film developing, mixed my own chemicals and whatnot, and the negatives turned out much better looking when I was abandoned by Hudson the first time, but really I guess its just too easy to do it, and I think he did the right then, taught me to really pay attention. Hes a really kick ass boss.

I kept the test sheet for the Gallery Books, Mount Vernon print so I know exactly what it was done at and everything. And I think I will keep a catalogue of them , less hassle in the end. The first print of the Gallery Books will hopefully be mounted and framed for Jessica and shipped soon enough, and hopefully I can get enough money to get a package of some polycontrast 100 sheets.

Im hoping I will be able to make her quite a few nice prints to hang on her wall. All in all a pretty decent day

Printing

Today after while at work my boss asked me what I had planned, I told him try and get a sucessful print of the ones I worked on the day before. Well, it worked out. I came home, bullshitted with my mother for a little bit and then decided once my girlfriend went to work I would do some more printing. So I set up my stuff, measured my chemicals and got the temps right, and went to work on getting a print. Two tries. First one, slightly under exposed, and the second one, even though I didnt do any dodging, was a success in my book.

_{Gallery Books, Mount Vernon
© Copyright 2006 Thomas Simpson}

The image you see above, it taken straight from negative, with minor dodging done at the lower half of the image, I need to make some dodging tools for later on and when I do a much larger print of it I will use them to dodge in the bottom section. The specs on the image, are 12 second exposure at ƒ8 developed 1 minute in Dektol 1:2. I feel pretty proud of myself now I suppose. I feel that I can finally say I am a true photographer, I shot that image, manually, none of this autofocus, auto exposure bullshit, I developed it myself, and I printed it myself. Imma happy dude right now. Thats pretty much all I have at the moment.